Girl Scouts: Cookie Purveyors or Something More Sinister?

Ok, it’s on between you and me, Girl Scouts. I see you in your twee little uniforms, messy braids and roller-skate shoes, lurking outside my grocery store, on the corner by Starbucks, next to CVS. And I’m not buying.

Well, I wasn’t buying, that is—until you infiltrated my office. A place of business! A supposed safe haven, free from commercial pressures. It isn’t bad enough that I have to resist the constant barrage of leftover cakes and brownies from client lunches, but now I have to watch my back for Girl Scouts too?

And then some individuals, who shall remain nameless, actually bought cookies and gave them away. That’s right, Thin Mints, Trefoils, and Tagalongs started popping up everywhere I looked. Went to the kitchen for coffee, came back with a handful of Samoas. Attempted to chat with the receptionist, left with half a roll of Thin Mints.

These Girl Scouts know what they’re doing. I’ve heard stories about them preying on college students in the throws of mid-term week, visiting their dorms late in the night and selling those crack cookies by the truckload. Their cunning sends chills down my spine, chills which may or may not be related to mass cookie consumption. So listed up friends—they may be our neighbors, our little sisters, our former babysitting clients, but they are not, I repeat not, to be trefoiled with.

Give it up, you know you want some.